Trauma Surgery. An experience

35 People on Rounds. Pretty nerve wrecking presentations...

Best Shift: a couple skull fractures, an epidural, couple stab wounds, incidental pituitary macro adenoma [translating the whole time in Polish], and oh yeah, a massive saddle embolism with S1Q3T3 on EKG

Last Call!!

Last call shift of med school completed!

Cook County trauma surgery. 28 hours on. 3 hours spent "sleeping." Finished off the shift in the OR taking out someone's spleen.

Gonna be an ER doc, and moving to Nebraska!

University of Nebraska Medical Center
Department of Emergency Medicine
Omaha, Nebraska

My home for the next 3 years!

I MATCHED INTO EMERGENCY MEDICINE- after 11am

I am pretty proud to say that the previous depressing post is completely null.  I matched. I did it. Even though I lost confidence in myself during this past month, I gained it back. I matched. I feel so lucky and though I feel a little bit like its a mistake and that I don't deserve it, I quickly repress these feelings. I deserve it. I am going to be a damn good ER doc. As others have told me and I need to keep telling myself, "You would DEFINITELY make a fantastic EM physician."

The hours and moments leading up to me checking for the notorious email were very painful. I imagine that is what it feels like to do a large amount of cocaine at one time. I was shaky, with palpitations, couldn't concentrate, nauseas, terrified. Wow it was terrible. Then i read the email and my heart stopped for a couple seconds. it didnt make sense at first. I thought it was surely a mistake since i had convinced myself that it wasnt going to say that. but it did. I matched. And then I stood up pacing up and down the living room and realized it was happening. then started the family phonecalls, texts to friends, and posting on facebook which has thus received 157 likes and tons of comments. I was overwhelmed with praise, congratulations and support.

Now I wait. Wait to find out which of the 7 places I ranked will be my home for the next 3 or 4 years. I wait to start looking for an apartment. Wait to start building my new life :)

Success

Match Day- Before 11am

Sitting at a desk in front of my computer getting documents ready to possibly scramble for a match position. In Chicago, away from home. Scared. Nervous. Nauseas.

I have been mentally preparing myself for not matching. To get that email at 11am and see the words "You Did Not Match." Maybe typing it and seeing it here will de-sensitize me if I really do see it in 2 hours. Either way. I have a plan if I don't match. Pick up that phone and call places and then apply through SOAP. Either way, whatever is meant to happen will and right now I have no control over the computer. I'm just scared to be on my own at 11am if I dont have a spot because then it is my responsibility to look for and secure one.

I keep trying to block the optimist in me that says I will be fine and have matched because I just can't. I need to be realistic. I cant be naive. This match is super competitive, a ton of my classmates interviewed at the same programs [with way better scores] and even if I do my best, I need to settle for having to go through some speed bumps. I worked hard but sometimes we don't get everything we want. But thats OK, I'm still going to be a doctor.

On the top of my "to do when I dont match" list i wrote:

Breath. It's OK. You will survive this. Your still going to be a doctor!

ACGME List is Certified

Rank list certified. Countless years of hard work, dedication and sacrifice. Here's to hoping I have done enough...

i didnt match AOA

Nothing will compare to this day. A day of such unexpected sadness. I had a feeling that I was not going to get into my top choice but I was pretty sure that I will get into #2 if anything. Well, I was definitely wrong.

Any instance of rejection is hard, this is by far the worst I have experienced. Knowing how close I was to my goal and how much I wanted it. I tried to prepare myself for all the possible outcomes but when your mind is made up and has a dream, its hard to make it believe that maybe it won't turn out the way you planned. I have a personal goal to not make too high of expectations as disappointment is the worst feeling in the world. I set high goals but I also strive to make realistic expectations of myself in order to preserve my feelings. But this, this was too hard to prepare myself for. In fact, I do not think there is any way I could have prepared for not matching.

A very smart guy reminded me 'silver linings.' Maybe this was the way the universe was pushing me into the ACGME match. Maybe there is somewhere else I am supposed to be. But after this disappointment the last thing I want is to go through it again. So as much as I want to hope for the best, I am TRYING to re-wire my brain to the very realistic and likely possibility that I will not match in the ACGME match with only 7 interviews. And that likely, I will have to scramble into a residency position. and that there is the very strong possibility that I may not end up being an emergency physician. at least anytime soon....

thinking this, saying this, writing this breaks my heart. I am trying to remember this is NOT the end of the world. i am still graduating. my goal was and is going to be achieved....i am going to be a DOCTOR. but how sad is it that this residency process can make me feel like i have achieved less of a goal. its like i am getting 95% of the way there and then having to accept defeat. although i am not being defeated. i am still going to be a doctor. What kind seems to be up to fate...