Quotable Quotes

A man comes in with un-controllable nose bleeding [epistaxis]
"do you have HTN?"
"Yes"
"do you take medication for it?"
"No, I havent taken anything for over a year"
"why?"
"because i have felt fine..."


3 AM on a Tuesday morning working Triage
"I have worms, these worms are eating my nerves. My legs hurt so bad. They are numb. I cant sit for very long because I have no circulation. Oh my god it hurts so bad."
[man then proceeds to lay on the floor in the middle of the triage cubicle]


Recently, we had a 20 something year old girl come in with a fork hanging from the base of her tongue. Apparently she had the stomach flu and couldnt eat for 2 days. After feeling better, she starting eating so ravenously because she was so hungry and somehow stabbed herself very hard with the fork. She couldnt get it out and came to the ER.

4th of July Shenanigans

Worked overnight in the emergency department in Pod D. Along with all the other normal cases, this is where the jail checks come [people who are being arrested and need medical clearance]. This is also where the suicide attempts and mental health patients come. Needless to say, it was pretty busy overnight.  Saw a good amount of motor vehicle accidents and other traumas. Everyone pitched in $5 and at midnight we had a BBQ outside in the trauma bay. It was a fun shift.

Some highlights:

Man comes in with huge black eye, blood in his ear, and lip split open needing stitches
"what happened?"
"i tripped and fell on a step"
"Wow, that must have been a pretty bad fall to get your ear, eye and mouth all at once?"
"yeah,  it must have been the alcohol. I just missed a step"


A prisoner comes in for ingesting a bunch of pills, has 2 security gaurds with him
"I hate white people. And I especially hate blue eyes"
"Well shoot, I guess I should find you another doctor"
[after seeing my name tag]
"Well shit, my grandmothers name was Dot so we ain't gonna have a problem at all"
"wonderful"