this is it.

today is friday and i did not sleep well last night. i had an hour to rest then got woken up by a phonecall from my resident. “we have an admit. 28yo F with cervical cancer. stage 3b. she is here due to intractable pelvic and abdominal pain. we need to get pain management on board to help with medications.”


it was 4am, i was tired and i dont think i could emotionally process the fact that this women, a year older than me, was dying. they had given her ativan to sleep because her pain was keeping her up. by the time i saw her she was very hard to communicate with. i got most of my information from the ED resident and medical records. im very glad it worked out this way because i dont think i could handle speaking to another cancer patient that week. it was heartbreaking.

it was my last shift. i admitted her but the next medical student will follow her and will no doubt cry over her like i did the last patient.

oncology is not for me.