Reproductive System Quotes

“I’m baaaaaaack..”-Dr. May

“This is going to be an unusual system for you, because it is going to have lectures.” - May

“Then I’ll talk about the bulbouretheral gland...and then I’ll climax with the penis. That was not a Freudian slip.”-Dr. May

“Back in the Roman days they would grab their testicles and swear to tell the truth, of course if they lied.... they wouldn’t have them after that.” - May on the meaning of testes, which is to swear, thus the origin of the word testify.

“for the holidays I did some calculations…so between the D.O. males, the dental males, and the Podiatry males…if you took all the seminiferous tubules & stitched them together, where would they go? What happens is that they go from the archway at the west end of our campus, all the way to the ticket booth at Disneyland, provided you take the Ball road off-ramp. You know, that’s quite a distance. But if we threw in Dr. Keuhn’s, we’d get over to Fantasyland. A lot of tubules in there.”-Dr. May

“Some aboriginee tribes will slit the tunica albuginea to increase their manliness....ouch.” -May on the histology of the penis.

“I said that?! Oh my god...Okay, no, it’s switched. Yeah...Freudian slip again. I probably used the PC when i did that instead of the Mac, that’s the difference between the two.” -May

“what happens in the event that fertilization takes place? Or as I like to call..sperm meets the egg.”-May

“now this is what you call multiple ovulations...octo-mom has nothing on this here”-May

“....hate to get hit in the face with that tail. It’s like a bullwhip..ooo!”-May (referring to the tail of a sperm...omg..)

Clitoris…”a rudimentary homolog of the penis…I was accosted by a student after the lecture who happened to be a Nurse..I don’t know why she identified herself as a Nurse, and she said, ‘Excuse me, but there is nothing rudimentary about my clitoris it works very well thank you.’ And I said, ‘Uh oh, I guess I’m not being politically correct.’ ” -May

“Remember all that stuff we learned in the renal system, about mesonephric ducts and such? Well, here it comes again.” Dr. Kuehns’ First Slide followed with.....
“Well you guys didn’t have this stuff in renal, so I guess I will have to do a bit more explaining.” - Kuehn

“You are better off leaving ‘it’ in there as long as possible.” Khuen referring to gestation and pre-mature birth.

“We miss you guys, this is the first time we have really lectured to you this year.” -Wong

“I’ve talked to some urologist who have seen some pretty weird things.” - Parsa on his slide including a picture of a penis being strangled by a metal ring.

“They are either germ cell tumors or non-germ cell tumors. If they are germ cell tumors they are either seminomas or non-seminomatous, and that is about all there is to that.” – Parsa

“If an 80 yo has low grade prostate cancer its no big deal, but you know for money people will go ahead and do things, terrible things.” –Parsa on BPH.

“I use classic a bit too much, don’t I? Well it is classic!” - Parsa

“If someone asks you on your rotations which one it is, well 80% of the time you will be right if you say ductal carcinoma in situ” – Parsa

“You should know what this looks like a little bit, I mean come on how could you miss that?” – Parsa on fibroadenoma.

“I don’t know how I am going to finish this in one hour but…” –Parsa
“You actually have two..” Student
“Oh.” -Parsa

“Not good, cancer is in the brain. That’s it. Patient died.”-Parsa

“So! Cancer, cancer, cancer..” (Parsa just flips through slides)

“Its Friday 10 o’clock guys…happy hour is after 2”-Parsa

“You won’t have to take any notes.... just sit back and listen....” - Lin
oh Dr. Lin, if only we could understand you...

“I had a dream one day, I was in lecture speaking in front of a bunch of medical students. Sure enough when I woke up, there was an audience in front of me.... so if you don’t ask me questions....” - Lin

“You will cut this open, but there is no chocolate in there.” - Lin on endometriosis of the ovary causing chocolate cysts.

“Let’s remember, we are the idiot in idiopathic, we don’t know what is going on.” Dr. Gambone

“What’s the difference between a terrorist and a woman with PMS? You can negotiate with a terrorist...” - Gambone

“There’s worker sperm, and helper sperm. The point is the adage it only takes one isn’t necessarily true.” Gambone comparing bees to sperm and the events of fertilization.

“Clinical practice can be very psychologically rewarding, now a days it is not very financially rewarding, but you can get a lot of satisfaction out of it.” - Gambone

“Cleavage is the only word in english which can mean two different things and is spelled and pronounced the same way. In one sense it means to divide, in another it means to bring together.” Gambone’s english lesson in regards to IVF.

“Here this one looks like it is getting angry.” Gambone in regards to a Bartholin cyst of the female genitalia

“It’d be great if there was a treatment that would extend fertility... you could start women on this at age 16..... well we better say 18 so they are legally of age.... then they could have kids at 30.” Gambone on oral contraceptives not pushing back the age fertility of women.

“Now you can have PCOS without having any cysts... I know this is kind of upsetting.... I usually tell this to the class just after I tell them there is no Santa Claus, so they can deal with both upsets at once.” - Gambone on polycystic ovarian syndrome

“We used to get slapped, well there was never any physical violence, but we would get made fun of if we said that the ovary was ‘torsed’. It can undergo torsion, but ‘torsed’ is not a word.” - Gambone

“one of my favorite drawings, I hope it becomes your favorite drawing, you might have this up in your bedroom or something….Not in the kitchen, don’t put it in the kitchen.”
-Gambone, on drawing of ovary w/all the different follicles

“Hisuitism: all men are hirsuit…all men are other things too, but all men are hirsuit.”--Gambone

“You may ask your patients if they are sexually active... they may respond ‘No, I just lie there.” - Foster

“My favorite story is from a nurse practioner friend of mine, she told her patient ‘okay go ahead and take off your clothes and get on the table.” She came back in the room and her patient was standing on the table naked. She just did exactly as she was told.” - Foster

“Are there any risks of infection from the pessary?” Student
“Well... for one, the vagina is not sterile.... I mean we put things in and out of it all the time....” Foster
Everyone laughs at the obvious implications

“I suppose if you never had sex ever in your entire life, you would have 100% chance of not becoming pregnant... the bible notwithstanding.” -Foster

“You got say hold on and put one on, and that can be a barrier to use.” Foster on condom use.

“The female condom never really took off, when you look at it you can see why. It looks like something an elephant would wear.” Foster

“This man took his wife to the hospital, she was about to give birth. When they talked to the doctor, the doctor said well I am wondering if you would be interested in participating in this study, I have invented a machine which makes labor and delivery a little easier on the mother. What it does, we hook up both the wife and husband to the machine and it transfers some of the pain of labor to the husband. The husband said well I think I can handle that, and the wife was enthusiastic too, so they hooked them up. Well they set it to 10%, because they thought well maybe the husband doesn’t know what he is getting into...so they started off there. So they are sailing along pretty smooth, and the guy says crank it up a bit, I can handle it. So they turn it up to 25%, then 50%, and he was still just sailing right along. So the husband says just turn it up to 100% I can handle it. So the mother was laboring well, the baby was born, and everything went smoothly. In fact she was doing so well that they sent the mother home that day with the baby. But when they got home, they found the milkman dead on the doorstep. Well one person liked it anyway. Did I tell you guys that one before? I did??? You gotta stop me when I do that!!!” - Felton

“Gonorhea peaked at about a million cases during the 70s in the sexual revolution, by the way, I was a soldier in that revolution, actually I just had a desk job, I never actually saw any action....” Felton

“Have I read you the letter from my mother? It says ‘dear son, I’m writting this slow becuase I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left.... you sure you haven’t heard this one before... okay.... your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home so we moved. I can’t send you the address because the last family that lived here took the numbers with them for their new house so they wouldn’t have to change their address. This place has a washing machine, the first day I put four shirts in, pulled the chain, and haven’t seen them since. It only rained twice this week, three days the first time, and four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send you; your aunt said it would be too heavy to mail to you with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got a bill from the funeral home, if we don’t make the last payment on your grandmother, up she comes they said. Your father is doing well at his job, he has over 500 men under him now. He is still cutting grass at the cemetary. About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I don’t know yet if it is a boy or a girl, so I can’t tell you whether you are an aunt or an uncle. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a truck. One of them was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver lived, he swam out the window, but the two in the back drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate down. Not much else to tell. Write more often, Love mom. PS I was going to send you some money, but the envelope was already sealed.” - Felton.
We will miss your silly jokes good sir.

“It’s a lot in the south…West Virginia only has 32 cases..that’s good, I’m from WV. Dr. Martin is from WV, too. Some people like to argue that they have such a good rate b/c we both left…but I don’t think that’s true at all.” -Felton

“And now I get to talk about my favorite STD.... Syphillis. Because it is interesting.... not becuase I have any personal experience with it....it is Interesting.” - Felton

“Well there’s a baby, and of course the mother.... its not just a skeleton usually.” - Castro on the skeleton she is using to demonstrate what labor looks like.

“Women were not meant to have liters. Even if they are super healthy, and their uterus is pumping out blood to the fetus, it just cannot keep up with 7 placentas.” Castro on multiple gestation pregnancies.

“No ultrasound is going to tell you if a woman has uterine tenderness, you have to figure that one out on your own.” - Castro

“What is the saying??? It’s been real? It’s been good? Well it’s been real good!” - Castro
::crickets in the classroom::
“Okay, you have no sense of humor...” - Castro