round two...DING

Well, i just finished my second week of second year and am already sleep deprived, stressed and a little bitter about life. getting off of summer vacation/break is one thing but being thrown into school (especially with this new curriculum) is exhausting. I was speaking with my good friend/classmate Sarah who had gone on a long trip as well and both of us seemed to be in the same boat of depression. Not a true 'SIGECAPS' depression (that is a mnemonic for all the symptoms of depression we learned in Psych last year- sleep disorder, interest deficit, guilt, energy loss, etc etc) but just a minor depression...mostly sadness. It is very hard to have been allowed to sip from the glass of freedom and then now be dyeing of dehydration as it was taken away.... seriously, thats exactly what it feels like. free time has gone down the drain, sleep has been severely reduced and life is back to normal as a medical student. only now, I am an MS2 and classes are going to be more difficult and we are expecting to know stuff. i cant use the excuse that i am just a first year anymore. I CANT IMAGINE when one day i cant use the excuse 'I dont know, im just a medical student' or 'i dont know im just an intern' or 'i dont know im still in my residency.' There will be one day when i am on the top of the pecking order and i cant say 'i dont know' its gonna be Doctor, what do you want to do? and i will HAVE to know.....shit that scares me

well anyways, these two weeks have sucked (for lack of a better word). But last night I worked another shift at Montclair and that definitely added a bright light to the tunnel. First off, I got about 5 hours of sleep on Wednesday night mostly because I had coffee in the early afternoon and then couldn't fall asleep (and im sure anxiety wasnt helping) then I got up Thursday to be in class for 8am. After just an hour of one of our only lectures this week, i met with my small group at 9 until 12 going over our cases and answering the questions about differentials, further testing, treatments, mechanisms of treatment,etc. Then i took an hour lunch and went to OMM from 1 to 5. After OMM i went straight to the Montclair clinic were I worked until 10pm. Now THAT was a long day but it wasnt to bad because it was women's clinic and i have been wanting to work one for a while now.

SOoooo, one of my patients last night was a 41 yo F (who did not speak English). She presented for a routine women's health visit (you should start to learn the short hand too--42 year old female---that one was hopefully not to difficult). Basically, she was here for a pap smear and breast exam. This was the first exam I have seen and I felt privileged that this women trusted me to learn from her. The resident at the clinic did the exam, i watched as he explained and the clinic coordinator assisted. Sadly, the coordinator was the only one in the room who spoke Spanish and it was probably not the most uncomfortable experience for the patient. But, I was there and learned how to do both a pap smear and a breast exam and I will always remember her as my first womens health patient. There is another first.....and I may have ruled out OB/GYN with that one...

ok. its time for a nap, dinner and then a fun night of studying and playing music very very loudly in my headphones to keep up my moral. that is the silver lining of studying...good music. monday is our 2nd endocrine exam, its on the thyroid gland and adrenal glands...then next week we learn about the wonderful world of diabetes. that is gonna be an important week since its gonna affect my daily work for the rest of my life. ill try to pay attention and learn some stuff for my future patient's sake...cant make any promises though

back to spending the best days of my life (early 20s that is) studying. Only have a few weeks of them left since i turn 25 soon