adult inpatient ward

"i died twice."
-50something year old male talking to me about his suicide attempt taking lots of pills and drinking alcohol. he was shocked twice in the ambulance on the way to the hospital

"I have nothing to be sad about in my life. But I just cant help but want to die."
-40something year old man who checked himself in to the hospital with the support of his wife. The patient has 2 daughters ages 1 and 5. He has a great family with support from everyone. He is a high school English teacher and his life is 'stable.' But 1 month prior to this hospitalization he tried to commit suicide by taking a lot of pills. He has been battling depression since his teenage years. Talking with him, he seemed so normal. He was well educated, realistic, in touch with his feelings. Yet, when I read his chart, i saw that he has been severally depressed for years and cuts himself with razors on his arms and stomach [which i did not see because he always wore long sleeves]. Makes you realize to never judge a person by their exterior appearance. This patient was on an involuntary hold last month after the suicide attempt, went home, and realized that he was having suicidal thoughts again and with the help of his wife and parents, he checked himself into the hospital again.

"I just could not handle life"
-30something yo female. suicide attempt by slashing her arms bilaterally. she showed me the scars and they were huge. she was also a normal, healthy looking female but under that exterior, she was unstable and severally suicidal. "this is a disease. just like diabetes or HTN, depression has to be dealt with everyday. i didnt pick to be this way, its a disease."