best. patient. ever.

in the afternoon we got an admit from the ER so i volunteered to do it. my intern Dez and I went to the ER together and starting to get info on the 80-something year old women that was going to get admitted. this patient ended up being the most fun, spunky, and crazy old lady i have had the chance to take care of. honestly, she was the best patient i have yet. she was hysterical and to be able to reminisce on this great time, here are some quotes:

"im going to start my physical now. its gonna be pretty extensive, im gonna start and your head and move down. is that ok?" -me
Mrs. K gave me a once over and looked a little concerned and then said:
"hell why not. im a bitch on wheels" -Mrs K
"[laughing hysterically] im sorry, what did you just say??" -me
"i ain't no sissy Mary"- Mrs K

"theres a tube in my vagina!" -Mrs K referring to her foley catheter [that was securely in her urethra]

"have you ever tried to make out in an orange field? there is no room to spread out a blanket. no room for any hankey pankey." -Mrs K referring to her first date with her now husband

"now how do you think that transpired?"

"I could use a drink right now" -Mrs K
"oh yeah, what kind of drink are you referring to?" -me
"oh you know what i am talking about"-Mrs K


Nicole got to experience all of this with me because she came out to the ER to help. so it was us 3 girls [2 med students and an intern] just chattin away with this 80 year old firecracker of a lady. we spent upwards of an hour and a half talking with her when we really could have finished everything in 20 minutes. when we got back to the call room, we were all giddy and excited over this fun lady. we told Brooklyn about it and he just looked at our disposition and was very confused “whats up with you girls right now?”

Mrs. K came to the ER by ambulance because she was found by her husband in the bathroom after falling. she was cleared by the ED, having seen that she didnt break any bones on X ray or have any brain bleeds by head CT. but, she did have a large, palpable, non-tender mass on her right upper thigh. the tragic point about all of this is that Mrs. K had dementia and though she was happily married and her husband had been taking excellent care of her, she never got her leg checked out by a doctor. so, we were admitting her for her leg mass, not the fall. this mass could be benign or it could be cancer. all we knew is that it had been there for about a year and it was growing.

i left the hospital that day in the best mood. it was a really fun afternoon. its patients and experiences like this that make medicine fun, exhilarating and tragic all at the same time.